Spring Shoe Pledge

March 23, 2009 by cinder
Filed under Things We Love

BEFORE slipping into this season’s hot new sandals and open-toe shoes from Boem, Dolce Vita, Kors by Michael Kors and Diane von Frustenburg (just to name a few), our friends at Step By Sloan bring you this VERY important message …

Please take the SPRING SHOE PLEDGE and REPEAT AFTER ME!

I, (state your name), proclaim to be a SHOE DIVA and pledge to follow the rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I PROMISE to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. The sides and tops of my feet will not protrude out between the strap. This type of protrusion has been and always will be referred to as “bread-a-rising.” Keep bread only in the oven.

I WILL go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I promise not to tape my toenail onto my toe if it should fall off either.

I WILL shave the hairs off my big toe. If they are long enough to braid, they are too long! Don’t embrace your “butchness” or becoming one with Mother Earth.

I WILL NOT wear Crocs! Yes, I believe they are unbelievably comfortable, but I will only wear them if I am under 22 years old. Besides, we all know that Crocs and escalators do not mesh well together.

I WILL NOT wear suntan pantyhose with open toe or sandals even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. Super glue is not an option, either.

If a strap breaks, I WON’T duct-tape, staple, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. A shoe cobbler can be on speed dial.

I WILL NOT wear toe rings. Hello, the eighties are calling and they want their toe rings back. And for the good of mankind, I will make a sizeable donation to my charity of choice for every toe ring I currently wear.

I WILL NOT say words like corns, hammertoes or bunions. I understand these are not sexy words and will not get me a date or a phone call.These are words that should remain unspoken at all times.

I PROMISE if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. Scraping your feet on the floor is not going to grab a significant other.

I PROMISE to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear…nothing is worse than dirty white sandals. WHITE is in, just not dirty white. Replace those with miles with new ones.

I WILL NOT wear Dansko with shorts or dresses no matter how comfortable and heavenly they feel. They should be only be worn in operating rooms.

I PROMISE never to say “I can’t wear that heel height at my age!” If I feel moved to say that, I will gladly say, I can’t wear that heel height for fear of death while wearing the shoes! I promise not to make my age the reason…Just say, I don’t like to look down at my peers.

Please remind all of the shoe divas in your life of this very important pact. Simply click on “email a friend” to share the love! We MUST stick together!!

This message brought to you by our friends at Step By Sloan. Shop online at StepbySloan.com or visit their store in Charlotte, NC, for fabulous spring styles that will show off those peds as “pledged!” Here’s a sampling of what they have to offer …